From Wildfires Diary—August 1, 2024
Today,
I was informed by the local District Attorney’s Office
that I am officially a “victim” of the latest wildfire1
presumably caused by a criminally negligent someone
who ignored how drought had dried the landscape.
The wildfire started on a property below our residence
to spread up the mountain still blackened by another fire
four years earlier that burnt nearly 70,000 acres.2
Since I was evacuated by the first wildfire,
I didn’t witness the second fire. But I heard it
because my ears, then my heart, memorized
the sound of wildfires. Wildfires don’t sound like
the roaring wind that spreads their embers. Wild-
fires don’t sound like the high-pitched sirens screeched
by rushing fire trucks. Wildfires don’t sound like the gasping
“Oh my god oh my god oh my god”s whispered by
my neighbors scrambling down the mountain road after
their car crashed onto a tree from their hurried escape.
Wildfires don’t sound like the hoarse “Gracias, Gracias!”
exclaimed by the couple my husband invited into
the backseat so they could all escape from the color
orange painting the bushes, houses, and trees.
The couple were sheeted in ash. The only spots on their
bodies not eerily white were their eyes, widely black.
Anxiety delivers a rush of adrenaline that dilates pupils—
dilation improves vision to better fight against danger.
Wildfires don’t sound like the prayers they kept releasing.
Wildfires sound like sneezing.
For two decades, I kept company with a family of deer.
When deer are scared, they blow air through their noses
rapidly, evoking the human sneeze. Their sneezes
accompanied me as I left the mountain—as I left them
behind as if they could fight fire. Today, whenever someone
sneezes, I freeze. Then my heart clutches tight as I, too,
prepare to sneeze. I know I am not the most damaged
victim.
_______________
1 Crystal Fire, June 5-6, 2024
2 Glass Fire, Sept. 27 to Oct. 20, 2020
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Eileen R. Tabios has released collections of poetry, fiction, art, essays, and experimental writings from publishers around the world. Recent releases include her second novel The Balikbayan Artist; an autobiography, THE INVENTOR; a poetry collection, Because I Love You, I Become War; an art monograph, Drawing the Six Directions; a flash fiction collection (in collaboration with harry k stammer), Getting To One; and KalapatingLeon, a Filipino translation by Danton Remoto of her novel DoveLion: A Fairy Tale for Our Times. More information is available at http://eileenrtabios.com
